I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
