I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
