Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
