quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
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