Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
