he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
