Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
did you just send me my own nude
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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