Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
