There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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