and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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