I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Randomize
