we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I need a burrito and a hug.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Randomize
