we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
