Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
