Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
