last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
