Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
