I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
