I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
