i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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