Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
