just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
