He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
