check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
