yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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