Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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