we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.