At least make sure they are 18
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing