Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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