after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize