he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
