I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
