I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
