My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
