a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
