Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Randomize
