At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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