Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
