If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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