She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
