apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
