he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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