good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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