I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
