genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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