Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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