i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"