...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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