just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
