Having a random hookup so left but love u
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
