remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
