Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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