My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
