I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Im part way to drunk.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
