ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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