I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
