I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
Randomize
