That's when you crack a 10am beer
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
